nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face.

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a negative or positive development?

Nowadays, more people are choosing to socialise online rather than face to face. Is this a negative or positive development?
These days, a rising number of people mingle with others through the internet
instead
of facing each other
directly
. In my opinion, this will lead to
This words can be replaced with:adverse
negative
consequences such as fraud relationships, self-isolation, and a potential future problem to develop new connections.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".First
First of all
, there is a
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :hazarddanger
risk
to encounter
This words can be replaced with:a number of
some
fake accounts that want to develop a connection. These accounts
usually
conceal their true identities and appear to provide frequent support to others. Once gaining trust and reputation, they will try to take financial benefits from others for
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.themselveshimselfherself
themself
in the name of charity.
As a result
, people will give their money without knowing that it is
This words can be replaced with:merely
just
a deception.

Another issue to
be concerned
about is self-confinement which is staying alone in the home without a need to go out.
This words can be replaced with:previouslyprior to
Before
interacting with others through an online platform, most people
regularly
hang out with friends and relatives in the
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :residence
house
,
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"café
cafe
, or mall.
However
,
This words can be replaced with:a number of
some
people
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :initiatecommence
begin
to
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :reckonassumebelieveconsider
think
that those meetings will not be necessary anymore. This situation can become unhealthy for mental well-being and lead to psychological problems,
for example
, depression.

Finally
, posting materials without deep thinking
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :in some instances
sometimes
become problems in the future.
This words can be replaced with:a number of
Some
content cannot
be deleted
or
This words can be replaced with:frequently
often
reappear again in an account will
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :createconstructmanufactureproduce
make
people judge characteristics from someone
This words can be replaced with:merely
just
by identifying their online profile. It can disturb
This words can be replaced with:a number of
some
people that want to build a new relationship
This words can be replaced with:due to the factin light of the fact thatowing to the fact that
because
they are
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :reckonedassumedbelievedconsidered
thought
to have a
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :rectified
fixed
unsuitable characteristic.

In conclusion
, while online interaction with others is becoming more popular, I believe most people can suffer from scam,
This words (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :residence
house
shut-in, and issue in building relationships in this internet environment.
6.5
Total Band
6.5
Coherence and Cohesion
5.5
Lexical Resource
6.5
Grammatical Range
6.5
Task Achievement
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